1. Last week three major offshore poker websites were shut down and charged with bank fraud and illegal gambling. When asked why, the FBI said that that kind of thing is only allowed on Wall Street.
2. Prompted by user complaints, Match.com has announced it will now be cross-referencing member profiles against a sex offender database. Luckily, MySpace says they are happy to cooperate.
3. The FAA is taking measures to prevent air traffic controllers from falling asleep. Effective immediately: no more Ambien in the vending machines.
4. AAA says that high fuel prices are leading to more calls from stranded drivers who have run out of gas. Let’s hope there isn’t a spike in the price of toilet paper.
5. Nicolas Cage was arrested in New Orleans for public drunkenness. That's like getting arrested for speeding on the autobahn.
6. President Obama and Mark Zuckerberg held a town hall meeting in Palo Alto today to discuss the future of social safety nets. They proposed a law that guarantees every American at least 100 Facebook friends.
7. President Obama's Los Angeles visit is causing severe gridlock in the area. One resident said "we haven't seen traffic this bad…since Tuesday."
8. Gold has hit an all time high of over $1,500 an ounce. This means the wealthiest celebrity is Flavor Flav's teeth.
9. J Lo and Marc Anthony are putting together a version of American Idol to showcase talent from Latin American nations. To find contestants show will travel all the way to New York City.
10. Prince William and Kate Middleton announced that instead of wedding gifts, they will only be accepting charitable donations. They're really hoping someone donates margarita glasses from Crate and Barrell.
